The Bachelor Recap: You’re my Person

First of all, apologies for this being almost a week late. My life has gotten extremely busy in the last week and I haven’t had time to blog. But enough with my life, let’s get on with more interesting lives: Ben, Lauren and JoJo.

When we left Ben in Jamaica, he had told both women that he was in love with them. A great position to be in when you have to dump one of them and propose to the other in a matter of days. Who do you call when you have to make a life-changing decision? Mom and Dad of course! Ben meets up with his parents, and explains that he is in love with both of the remaining women. While his father nods and smiles, his mother has the same reaction as America, she finds it really disturbing. You can almost hear the applause across the country.

First up to meet the potential future in-laws is Lauren. She comes armed with a bottle of wine and a bouquet as big as her face: no wonder Ben likes this girl. After the pleasantries, Ben explains how this meeting was a long time coming because Lauren expressed interest in meeting his parents during their very first one-on-one date. Ben’s mom steals Lauren away to have a girl chat. During this time she tries to explain to Lauren that no, Ben isn’t perfect and life will not be a fairy tale with him. She will have to deal with his faults, to which Lauren nods and smiles because obviously Ben has no faults. The two return to the boys holding hands so they must be getting along fine. The meeting with Ben’s dad is pleasant and boring and Lauren is sent on her way.

Next is JoJo who shows up with flowers in a conch shell? Points for creativity but a deduction for lack of booze. JoJo has no chill when it comes to how head over heels in love with Ben she is and shes makes sure mom and dad know it. There is some awkward mention of their first helicopter ride together in which they didn’t see much because they were making out which his mom naively calls ‘cuddling’. On their one-on-one time, JoJo  let’s Ben’s mom know that she is aware of his faults-mainly that he is too hard on himself-and that she is prepared to help him to the best of her ability. JoJo also breaks out the tears for good measure. By the time she leaves, the parents are as torn as Ben.

Ben meets up with Lauren for their final one-on-one date. Lauren is feeling pretty good, Ben told her he loved her so she has this in the bag right? They spend their date on a boat and Ben is clearly withdrawn. Lauren can’t imagine why, it’s not like he has to decide who he is spending the rest of his life with in a few days or anything? At dinner Ben admits how he is having a hard time and he cryptically tells Lauren that no matter what happens, she should know that he loves her.In an interview it finally dawns on Lauren that he may love JoJo too.

Ben seems much happier to see JoJo, probably because her shorts are shorter. They have a much better time on their date, playing in yet another waterfall. Around dinner, JoJo becomes nervous and decides that she needs Ben to give her a sign that he will indeed pick her. While Ben may have been stupid enough to tell them both that he loves them, he isn’t stupid enough to tell JoJo outright if he is going to pick her or not. JoJo stages a breakdown behind the closed door of the bathroom and asks if Ben also loves Lauren, and he does not lie. Ben leaves JoJo to her tears as he heads to his room to figure out this mess he has himself in.

Ben explains that Lauren is great but he hasn’t been tested like he has with JoJo. I guess he looks at it as a negative that Lauren doesn’t have a jealous ex-boyfriend or psychotic brothers like JoJo does. He is just so confused because he loves them both. Neil Lane rides in to save the day with his gaudy diamond rings. Neil asks Ben if he knows who he is going to pick, that would be no. But by the magic of ABC film producing, Ben looks at the rings and magically knows who he is going to pick. Thank God for Neil Lane.

Lauren is clad in cobalt evening gown and JoJo has on a blush pink basically wedding dress to meet their fates.Ben is on a deck in the middle of a pool/lake and is super sweaty. JoJo’s helicopter arrives first and Chris leads her 1/10 of the way to her fate. Ben lets JoJo explain how much she loves him and how she is ready to love him for the rest of her life before he hits her with: “I love you, I just love someone else more.” JoJo of course is devastated and doesn’t understand what went wrong and Ben can’t give her any answer other than to say that he does care about her and love her-he should probably stop saying that.

After leaving JoJo in the rejection limo, Ben calls Lauren’s dad to ask for permission to propose-it’s kinda cute, also super patriarchal. Lauren arrives and tells Ben that she is in love-blah blah. Ben says he is ready to not say goodbye to her and wants to kiss her face(?) every morning. He proposes, she accepts and Ben tells her that she is his person. You either said ‘aww’ or gagged at the statement.

We immediately jump into ‘After the Final Rose’ which holds the gimmick that Ben and Lauren may get married on the show. Spoiler alert: they don’t. They have Ben’s poor pastor pacing back and forth, reading and re-reading the Bible-it’s horribly awkward.In other news, JoJo is the new Bachelorette. After (allegedly) promising the role to Calia, story is ABC switched last minute to JoJo. As for that statement that the new Bachelorette would be diverse? JoJo is half-Iranian….take that as you will. The Bachelorette returns in May!

Thank you for putting up with my first season of recaps, I can’t wait to be back for more!

~Lauren

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