We have been blessed with another episode of The Bachelorette filled with fire hazards, private jets, Steph Curry, and cold cuts. What more could we ask for?
Sadly, I missed the first five minutes of this week’s episode due to my running partner Shelly insisting that we run a double workout. She’s sadistic, I know (just kidding, she’s the best). So I came in as the first group date was arriving. We all know how much ABC loves a damsel in distress angle-so the producers obliged by giving us a firefighter date. As the fire chief states, “JoJo needs to know who can take care of her in the event of an emergency.” Because she can’t stop, drop and roll by herself, you know.
The boys are strapped with firefighter gear, and poor skinny Wells looks like he’s being swallowed whole. In the nature of foreshadowing, Wells must stop for a water break because it looks like he is going to pass out. But bonus, JoJo gets to take care of him. Unfortunately, the fire chief isn’t going to let Wells get off that easy, he’d much rather get him on the brink of death, he is chosen along with Grant and Luke to compete to save JoJo.
Yes, it’s worse than you can imagine. She’s at the top of a building and the boys have to go through an obstacle course to save her. Grant wins, which is relief since he’s a real life firefighter. Luke is all moody and brooding about the loss and Wells is just happy to be alive. JoJo must have a thing for boys almost passing out on her behalf, because despite s steamy kiss with Luke, Wells gets the Rose.
Wondering how the boys back at the house are keeping busy? Well most of them are sitting around writing a song what just consists of: JoJo. But not Chad. Chad had more important things to do, like stuff his suitcase with protein powder, strap it to a weight belt and do pull-ups on a door. 😑😑😑
Derek gets the first one-on-one date. This banker has an adorable Jim Halpert-Esque smile and seems super sweet. So he obviously has no shot. But I’m already campaigning for him to be the next Bachelor. Derek and JoJo have an adorable date in which they make choices which determine where they go and what they do-just like a choose you’re own adventure book.
They end up on a private jet to San Francisco and eat lunch at the Golden Gate Bridge. At dinner Derek opens up that he was cheated on which i.e. Enough to get him a rose. And JoJo brings up Ben again, can someone keep a running tally of every time she mentions him?
Back at the house Chad and Daniel are villain bonding, JJ and Clint style. Chad thinks JoJo doesn’t want a guy who complements her, you know because girls hate that. He vows to never sit around and write a song about her like the rest of the guys in the house. There’s also a protein shake analogy which was quite concerning.
The second group date takes the boys to SportsNation, a show on ESPN. And because Grant got to go on the firefighter date, of course Jordan gets to go on the sports date. They walk into the studio where JoJo is making a statement about Steph Curry, because she can talk sports you guys. Can she be more perfect?
The anchors of the show (sorry I don’t know who they are), decide that they will put the boys through a set of challenges and at the end give them power rankings. I guess they are supposed to be JoJo’s surrogate brothers? But they aren’t near as creepy as her real ones.
Challenge 1 is to take a giant rose and do a victory dance. Jordan is worried because these guys usually don’t like quarterbacks but it’s ok Jordan, you aren’t a quarterback anymore. After the dances, each guy must spin with his head on a bat then find JoJo and propose. All the guys play along except for Chad who just gives JoJo a “Will you marry me?” While grabbing her ass. When she questions if that’s it, he calls her “naggy”. Yep, he’s a winner. The last challenge is a press conference with ‘tough questions’, really the only tough question is that everyone is asked who isn’t right for JoJo, well that’s easy, Chad.
When it’s Chad’s turn he defends himself by saying that he isn’t in love with JoJo, he doesn’t know her yet. It’s a good point but his doucheyness is on full display. He ends up ranking 2, with James Taylor as number 1. Maybe Jordan had a point with his concern, my guess? They aren’t Packers fans.
At the after party James gives JoJo a sweet note-something Chad would never do. Chad tells JoJo he has a tiny dog that he inherited from his dead mother. JoJo says it must be tough to lose his mom, Chad said he’s over it. Good to know that if JoJo kicks the bucket, he’d be over it pretty quickly. James gets the Rose, and Chad is pissed.
Rose ceremony time! The boys are inside awaiting JoJo’s return while Chad sits on the steps ready to intercept her. His feelings have changed after their convo and he is now smitten. When the two walk in together, the boys are enraged. Alex specifically wants an explanation. Chad said he was getting some air and happened to run into her.
But someone likes drama. So Chad steals JoJo from Alex and Evan during the night. This accompanied with eating from a plate of cold cuts all night just throws Alex over the edge. He tries to trap him under a tree from going to talk to JoJo. Chad threatens to knock out his teeth. Have I mentioned how much Chad hates short people?
During all of this JoJo is given a “snow mini-dare” with Chase and toilet papers the mansion with Will. Finally Chris Harrison stops the fun and it’s time to get to business. Chad stays. So does Daniel, villain number 2. Plus the usual suspects of Luke and Jordan. We say goodbye to Will the engineer and James the superfan (the only two memorable exits in my opinion). Next week we get a twofer, and it looks like Chad will finally punch someone in a protein powder fueled rage!