We are back this week with not one, but two all new episodes of The Chad Show err-I mean The Bachelorette. JoJo is so ready to find love you guys, and forget about stupid Ben and his fairytale bride Lauren. I bet she has voodoo dolls of them both in her hotel room. Anyway, where were we? Oh Yeah.
We are introduced to the mansion on the morning after the Rose Ceremony, aka the Chad buffet of meat! The house is a mess, don’t they have a cleaning crew? Or are they on strike after Chad’s carnivorous display? Chris Harrison arrives to tell the men that there will be two one-on-one dates and 2 group date. After handing over the first card, he walks out to clean up the toilet paper left all over the mansion. Want something done right? Gotta do it yourself.
The first one-on-one date goes to Chase. Who is Chase? Yeah, I don’t know either. Chad is super pissed that it’s not him. He’s determined JoJo is messing with him. It’s ok though he has to go count his calories and lift weights anyway. Chase and JoJo are off to do yoga or you know, totally made up sex yoga. Same difference.
Their crockpot yoga teacher tells them to grunt, lay on the floor and have an angergasm? What it really looks like is a three-year-old’s temper tantrum, which in that case, I do that daily. Then the date moves into JoJo straddling Chase while staring into his eyes, she says she’s never mounted someone on the first date before, so there’s that. After a good awkward 5 minutes they start kissing, I mean what else are you going to do?
Back at the house, the next date card arrives. It’s a group date which seems to consist of almost all the men from the last group date, including Chad. Chad is not about these group dates, and says he doesn’t want to go. The Guys are shocked and take the opportunity to attack. Jordan gets in a particularly good dig that he hopes the next group date involved bench pressing and not spelling. Chad is ready and strikes back that Jordan is a failed football player and has no accomplishments. Alex jumps in and they seem to be ready to fight but we never see it so I guess they calmed down.
Back on the date, JoJo needs Chase to open up before he can get that rose. He reveals that his parents are divorced and he wants his first marring to be his only marriage, what a concept. He gets the Rose, shocking, I know.
It’s group date time! JoJo takes the guys to a theatre where “Sex Talk” is being performed. Basically it’s a bunch of people discussing their embarrassing sexual experiences. So of course the guys will have to share. Doesn’t that sound like a great date? Well Evan, you know the erectile dysfunction specialist? He has this thing on lock, except he’d rather use his time to bring down Chad if possible. Bold move buddy.
We sit through painful stories and charades that I’ll never get out of my head before Evan takes the mic. In the weirdest, most unfunny way he discusses the side effects of steroids. And just in case we didn’t get the blatant dig, he brings up the “naggy” comment from last episode. When he goes back up into the audience Chad violently pushes him and tears his shirt before he makes his way to the stage. Chad really isn’t into this either so he calls JoJo down and tried to kiss her, she rejected him and Alex jumps up with applause. Chad isn’t a happy dude.
In the back room Chad punches a door and tells Evan that he will kill him if he doesn’t chill out. Everyone, even sidekick Daniel tries to calm Chad but he’s in full rage. At the after party, Chad can’t buy 5 minutes with JoJo. When he tried to interrupt, he gets turned away and instead he creepily walks by her constantly to get her attention. When they finally do talk, JoJo asked what happened with Evan and Chad describes it as the picked on kid standing up to the bully, he’s the bully. JoJo literally tells Chad to stop being a bully. Yeah right.
In her time with Evan, he tells her that it’s either him or Chad. An ultimatum in episode 3? A little cocky there aren’t we Evan? She said she needs time to think and then shocks Bachelor Nation when she gives Evan the Rose. She tells him that she isn’t sending Chad home, yet. But she validates him for telling her what to do, not a good sign. Chad butts in and asks of JoJo is serious. She shits him down and calls him rude. Oh and now a security guard roams the house at all hours.
The other one-on-one goes to James Taylor. He’s adorable, they dance but really we just want to see the drama at the house. Daniel tries to talk some sense into Chad but calling Hitler, telling him to be more like Mussolini (someone needs a history lesson). When Chad isn’t a fan of that comparison he moves onto Trump and Bush. But Chad doesn’t care, he’s the victim here, no one seems to get that.
James gets a rose and Chris tells them that there won’t be a cocktail party but there will be a pool party then the Rose ceremony. Chad doesn’t want to see JoJo in a bikini because then other guys will see her too. As Chris leaves the mansion, Evan runs out and informs him of the Chad drama (as if he didn’t know). Chris pulls Chad out and tells him to fix things or he leaves. Chad wants to fix it by testing the arms and legs off of each guy in the house, we are left with him returning to the guys and we’ll see how he’ll handle it tonight.