The Bachelorette Finale Recap: Hop on a Knee

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Well Bachelor Nation, we’ve reached the end of yet another journey. Jo Jo Fletcher put on her shiny $1k dress, stood in the center of some Pier One urns and choose between her two white former athletes and got a jumbo Neil Lane ring out of it. In a shock to no one, Jo Jo picked former NFL back-up (think third, fourth string) Quarterback Jordan Rogers. But we sat through two agonizing hours before that reveal and then another hour of “After the Final Rose” about the happy* couple.

Back to Thailand, JoJo has to introduce her two remaining suitors to her family. If you watched Ben’s season you know that JoJo’s mom is the best thing about her and her brothers are the worst. The brothers sadly kept mostly quiet this time around, but mom was back on it, with crazy hair and plenty of wine. Jordan is first to meet the fam, and this is big because last week he was very adamant about how important it was that he get’s JoJo’s dad’s permission to get on a knee. Because everyone knows that a proposal without the girl’s father’s permission is null and void. He breaks the ice by giving everyone silly hats, sadly no cheese heads.

He talks to JoJo’s mom and his charisma seems to allude that he knows he has this in the bag. But momma warns that Jordan is a social butterfly and maybe that’s too much in one relationship. When Jordan sits down with dad he does not ask for permission to marry JoJo, which is expertly cut with JoJo saying she wishes she could be there when he asks because she knows he will. Jordan takes off with JoJo yelling after him how great it all went, wishful thinking.

Robby is up next with a sunburnt chest and a ton of flowers. He immediately throws it out how much he loves JoJo and wants to protect her. Also, he was the first one to tell her that he loved her so he should win. Momma informs him that JoJo is a princess, he needs to make her a queen. This explains so much of the unrealistic expectations she has. He asks both the parents for permission to marry JoJo, and they can’t say yes fast enough. After he leaves the family makes it official, they are #TeamRobby. But JoJo doesn’t quite like that and starts to sob, she says she’s confused but it is clear that she really wants Jordan. In this argument her parents let it slip that Jordan didn’t ask permission to propose. Dun dun dun.

Robby has his last date with JoJo on the beach. She asks what life would be like when it was all over and we got a very elaborate tale of burning meatloaf and kids and pizza. JoJo seems all in for some burnt meatloaf that the kids don’t want anyway. Robby pours out his little plastic heart and gives JoJo some pictures that he got off of the producers which chronicles their televised love story. Doesn’t he know that a gift on the last night is the kiss of death?

Jordan is up next and they go canoeing through some rocks. JoJo tells him that she is disappointed that he didn’t ask for her dad’s permission to marry her. Jordan tries to lay it on the fact that he doesn’t know if she would accept, but JoJo ain’t buying it. He apologizes, says he loves her and wants to marry her.

The next day both men make a trip to see the master of love himself, Neil Lane. Robby picks the most god-awful gaudy ring so Jordan wins this round. Jordan also decides that he has to call JoJo’s dad. He gets permission from both parents to propose and he is ready to gel his hair for the event. Both men write JoJo a letter about how much they love her which reduces her to tears, shocking.

JoJo greets Robby, letting him tell her how much he loves her before she stops him. She can’t let him get down on one knee (propose seems to be a four letter word on this show) because she must dump him. She tells him that she wanted it to be him but it just isn’t, because you know she has no control over her own thoughts. She says that she did love him but she loves Jordan more. Ouch.

Jordan rolls up, tells JoJo he loves her and she reciprocates and lets him hop on a knee and propose. Tears and happiness and kissing, blah blah. And the live show is the definition of awkward as JoJo finally appears in an unflattering dress, Chad pitches himself for the Bachelor, and the happy couple looks less than happy. Good luck kids. Calling this a Bachelor Breakup within the next year. Sorry JoJo.

What will we do now that it’s over? Oh yeah, Bachelor in Paradise begins tonight.

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