Photo courtesy of abc.com
The Bachelorette is back y’all! Nick Viall may have given us a lackluster season of The Bachelor, but his season gave us great girls – including Rachel Lindsay. Aside from being a smart and funny attorney from Dallas, she is also the first African-American lead on the show. I am not going to pat ABC on the back for this because the show has been on 34 seasons and the fact that it has taken this long to have a lead that isn’t white is ridiculous. Rachel is an amazing choice for The Bachelorette and I am extremely excited to watch her on the show.
First off, Rachel is 32 and she obviously stated that she wanted a mature man because the low end of these men are 26-27 all the way up to 37. It is so nice to see a cast that isn’t filled with a bunch of 23 and 24-year-olds. Rachel also has a high-powered career as an attorney and the guys also seem to have some pretty impressive jobs. It isn’t 15 personal trainers “bro-ing” it out (no offensive to personal trainers). Rachel has standards, that is clear and I don’t think she is going to take any shit.
On to the men!
Adam is a real-estate agent from Dallas. Interesting that he is from the same city as Rachel. He has the face of a real-estate agent – very white teeth. Red flag #1: his three favorite movies are Transformers, The Pursuit of Happyness, and Wolf on Wall Street. I mean who doesn’t love Micheal Bay action, Will Smith tugging at the heart-strings, and Leo DiCaprio with hookers and yachts? He does say a typical night for him includes late night tacos, to which I say “same.” He said his favorite actor is Jennifer Lawerence, ok cool. But his reasoning is that she is “every girl’s goal.” Ummm….excuse me? I love JLaw but my goal isn’t to be her. And the crowning achievement – the most romantic gift he received? A threesome. Boy, bye.
Prediction: Mid-pack. He’s attractive so he’ll slide through for a bit but I don’t think he has a lot in common with Rachel.
Alex is an Information Systems Supervisor who apparently appreciates volume in his hair. He says his 3 worst attributes are that he is unapologetic, unemotional, and selfish. Sounds like a great guy to date. He has eaten a live salamander and his favorite artist is The Rock. Is The Rock an artist? He has given a girlfriend a car once and says he treats his S.O. like a queen.
Prediction: Top 5. I don’t think Alex and Rachel have the same life goals but he is one of the more attractive guys in the bunch so I think he will make it pretty far. Physical attraction is a big factor.
Anthony is a software manager from Chicago. Rachel already dated a (former) software salesman, and we saw how that turned out. Anthony is smart. He is a Fulbright scholar and has traveled to Indonesia and the Ivory Coast. His favorite movies include Moonlight. He is looking for someone intelligent and funny.
Prediction: Top 3. Anthony is smart and driven, he seems to share the same values as Rachel. If he can stand out in the beginning, I think he has a real shot to go far this season.
Blake E., 31
Blake is “an aspiring drummer” from California. I don’t know if you should be an “aspiring” anything at 31, I really hope he has a real job. The most outrageous thing he has done is get engaged to a crazy girl. He also has weird tattoos. He also doesn’t think “parking ticket people” have souls.
Prediction: Goes home night 1. Ok maybe he makes it to week 2. But not much longer. I don’t see much for Rachel to go off of here.
Blake K., 29
Blake is a Marine Vet. He also loves The Rock and Chipotle. His ideal woman is long? I don’t know what that means. He likes roses, go figure.
Prediction: Goes home night 1. Sorry Blake.
Brady is a male model from Miami. I guess he missed out on JoJo’s season, he looks like he’d be best friends with Robby. He hates Mike “The Situation” from Jersey Shore and he wishes he could be Channing Tatum.
Prediction: Mid-pack. There is no way in hell that Rachel is I picking him but I believe he will have a story arc to get him on Bachelor in Paradise to go after some Bachelor alums.
Bryan is a chiropractor and he is at the older end of the spectrum of Rachel’s suitors. Bryan listed 7 attributes when asked what his best 3 attributes were, so he can’t count or is very egotistical. He loves sports and would be Bill Gates for a day if he could.
Prediction: Week 2 or 3. I think he’ll skate by but I don’t see anything super unique or interesting about him.
I can’t with this guy. First of all, he has spock ears. Second, of all, he says things like “outrageous is realtive.” He is a firefighter but also caught a girl’s hair on fire during sex.
Prediction: Goes home night one. This guy is ridiculous.
Dean is a startup recruiter who also has an upper lip tattoo. He believes marriage is an institutionalized sham but said that when he gets married it will be forever. So that is a bit confusing. He also says he wants to pursue a woman because nothing good comes easy. Dean also had the cringeworthy “going black and not going back” comment on After the Final Rose.
Prediction: Top 4. I think Dean is going to stir up some trouble. He is attractive and charming with some “interesting” opinions. I think he will be polarizing but Rachel will like him. I think he is a major player this season.
DeMario is an Executive Recruiter from California. He is a self-proclaimed party-starter who loves Prince. He wants a lion named Denzel one day. The most romantic gift he has given were tickets to a Jay Z and Beyonce concert. He loves being a big brother and references Malcolm X.
Prediction: Winner. Just based on bios, he takes it for me. He is super attractive, funny, charismatic and intelligent. I think he and Rachel are going to hit it off and I could see them getting engaged.
We have to have at least one personal trainer and Eric is it. He likes Tony Robbins and says he is the life of the party. He wants to go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans (someone studied Rachel’s dates with Nick). His favorite drink is Green Drink?
Prediction: Top 6. Eric seems quirky and fun, so I can see Rachel connecting with him but I don’t see her ending up with a personal trainer.
Fred is an Executive Assistant. He dresses like Carlton Banks. He also went to summer camp with Rachel, she was his counselor and he had a crush on her. He has two masters degrees that he achieved simultaneously. He says he sometimes gets excited at work, which is weird. And his biggest dating fear is his card getting declined.
Prediction: Week 3. I think Rachel will give him a chance but ultimatley I think she is going to think it is weird that she used to look after him at summer camp and I don’t think she will be able to move past it.
Grant is an emergency room doctor. He once pooped in a Coke bottle, so there’s that. He also sang Ice Ice Baby at a Bar Mitzvah.
Prediction: Week 2. His humor will get him through first cuts but he doesn’t have a lot else going for him.
His name is Iggy. But he is kind of adorable. His a Consulting Firm CEO. He is passionate, loyal and witty – which are his best and worst attributes? His favorite magazine is The Harvard Business Review, but is that really a magazine?
Prediction: Mid Pack. I think Iggy will be a loveable personality who gets along with the guys and will be seen again in Paradise. (Think Vinny)
Jack Stone, 32
Jack Stone sounds like the name of the main character in a romance novel about an oil baron who is rough around the edges but has a heart of stone. Jack Stone also seems to be staring at me through the computer screen and I’m kind of scared. He is also an attorney from Dallas, go figure.
Prediction: Mid-pack. I feel like he has a story that we will see but I don’t think he will be a major player.
Jamey has a tattoo on his shoulder that is being removed, I want to know that story. He also is a fan of Elon Musk. He doesn’t have female friends and says his ideal girl is a model. Gross.
Prediction: Mid-pack. I feel like we have our villain so he has to stick around to cause drama. I hope Rachel ends up throwing him out.
Contrary to his name, Jedidiah is not Amish, he is an ER doctor. All of his former dogs were at least 1/2 wolf which is a little scary. Also, the producers missed a great opportunity to label him a “wolf-enthusiast.” He had sex on a glacier and built his parent’s 5,000 square foot log cabin in Montana.
Prediction: Goes home the first night. Sorry Jedidiah, I don’t think Rachel is into wolves.
Jonathan is the tickle monster. I know the producers labeled him this but it still creeps me out. He has been divorced, so that could be a great story. He likes Elvis Presley, Britany Spears and Flo Rida – nice eclectic mix.
Prediction: Week 2. Just because I know she doesn’t get rid of a lot of them night one so he might be a hold over.
Josiah is also an attorney, makes me curious if Rachel wants to marry another attorney? He lists his height as an attribute which I find strange. He is athletic and likes to be the center of attention. But he doesn’t like to dance.
Prediction: Middle of the pack. Josiah seems to be a pretty cool guy and this sounds crazy but I don’t think Rachel will pick a guy that doesn’t dance. She loves to dance!
Diggy is a senior investment analyst. He also goes by Diggy. He likes to drink and go to “low key” bars. He also lists The Devil Wears Prada as one of his favorite movies. He did say that he faked sleep so he didn’t have to look for his one night stand’s missing brother.
Prediction: Top 4. I think Diggy is going to do well, I think he will get along with Rachel well.
Kenny is a professional wrestler. He has a daughter and loves The Rock. The most romantic gift he has given is an Edible Arrangements….no comment. His favorite book is The New Jim Crow, great choice.
Prediction: Top 6. I like Kenny and I think he will be a fan favorite. I think Rachel will like him but ultimately friendzone him but I like his chances for The Bachelor or Paradise.
Kyle is a Marketing Consultant (whoo Marketing!). Kyle doesn’t trust people, he has disdain for corrupt authority and can be blunt and outspoken. So I feel like he may fight someone. He doesn’t eat gluten but he doesn’t know what it is. He is a butt guy.
Prediction: Week 3. Long enough to piss off the other guys in the house and then exit.
I need Lee to calm his hair down. Also, Lee is a singer/songwriter. Every season has one. He loves Matthew McConaughey and Scarface.
Prediction: Goes home night one. I’m over the singer/songwriter on the show to get gigs. At least James Taylor was kind of charming. I don’t think Rachel has any time for that.
Lucas’s occupation is “waboom.” Ok great. He is an uncle to a cat and has an ant farm. He had a threesome at a wedding. His perfect woman is a combination of Disney princesses and Jessica Rabbit.
Prediction: Week 3. I really want him to go night one but I think the producers will keep him around for a bit for content.
Matt is a Construction Sales Rep. He looks up to his parents, and would be Matt Lauer for a day if he could be. He coaches kids basketball and his worst date was a Tinder date.
Prediction: Top 4. Matt is hot, kind and intelligent. I think he will go far.
Michael is a former professional basketball player. He has a scripture tattoo and would love to have lunch with former President Obama. He is confident and doesn’t need to be the center of attention.
Prediction: Final 2. Michael seems like the total package, I think he and Rachel will hit it off.
Milton is a Hotel Recreation Supervisor, I imagine him running Jazzercize classes at a Sandals resort. He has a bottom lip tattoo and wants to be “discovered.” He doesn’t want to be seen as weak so he is hesitant to be romantic.
Prediction: Week 4. An “Is he here for the right reasons?” storyline and he’s out.
Mohit is a product manager who also loves Elon Musk. He likes to dance, and he likes country and hip hop music (so original). He successfully referenced Seinfeld but also mentioned Tabasco sauce in the bedroom.
Prediction: Week 3. I bet he is pretty forgettable.
Peter is a business owner. I also think that Peter probably looks better in person, this picture isn’t the best. He doesn’t like heights so he’ll probably have to bungee jump for a date. He used to be a model. He has completed three Iron Mans.
Prediction: Mid-Pack. I think he will get a ticket to Paradise.
Rob is a law student, I’m interested in if he switched careers or if he’s been in school the whole time. He has traveled a lot and says he is driven, empathetic, and worldly. He wants a woman that will pursue him, wrong show buddy.
Prediction: Week 4. Seems like an interesting guy, but I don’t think he will ultimately connect with Rachel.
Will has traveled a lot and seems very smart. He likes Will Smith and The Shawshank Redemption. He won’t be anyone’s second choice and he can be shy at first in a relationship.
Prediction: Week 3. I like Will but I think his shyness might cause him to be overlooked, there are a lot of big personalities this season.